Here we are, at the deadline for my monthly update. How is it going not weighing myself? Like I said a few months ago, the habit is definitely broken. I don't even think about it anymore. It's just gone. And that's good.
But how is my body image? Some times are better than others. Like right now?
I am 10 months postpartum. I think most people don't realize how long it takes to "recover" from pregnancy. I mean, get back to normal. My recovery is always swift - I feel like a normal person again by the end of the week. However, hormone roller coasters are another thing, and I'm sure it has a huge amount to due with breastfeeding. When I was breastfeeding my first son, at 10 months I magically dropped the last 10 pounds of baby weight - but I went into an emotional roller coaster for a few months that involved a lot of negative thoughts.
I look at my first experience with this as a mixed blessing. I did research into the birth control I was taking, and determined to get off it to help with my sudden depression (that lifted a great weight off, by the way). This was also about the point that I found The China Study and began changing my diet for the better.
I'm going to stop here and remind all my readers that I'm not here to talk about diet. Some of you will know that I have strong ideas here, and I am trying to stay away from "preaching." I am here to deal with body issues, and to hopefully uplift a few people. However, some things are hard to detangle in regards to this, so there might be some references that you disagree with.
When I was 10 months postpartum with my first son, he stopped needing quite as many calories through breast milk (thus the change in hormones). Both then and now, it's confusing to change my perspective on how much I need to eat after that. First, without realizing what's happened, I find myself feeling overly full after each meal. So, I rein myself in. Then, I start thinking too much about how much I'm eating, some thoughts about calories creep in, and, before I know it, I'm wondering if I'm too fat.
There you go. The "F" word.
Previous to this, I had spent several years with my husband guiding me into healthier thoughts about food and my body. When I realized how my thoughts were becoming "dark" once again with ideas of weight loss and calories, I decided I needed to pray. I prayed for inspiration to know how to take care of myself for health, and I prayed that I could pursue that and forget my thoughts about weight and calories.
The answer came, etc, and I was put back on my path breaking down body image issues.
And here I am again, the same place (though definitely not as bad this time around - I personally thank my lack of prescriptions, and my diet change). My hormones are all over the place in reaction to changes in breastfeeding. I've had to look at how much food I'm eating and consider how not to eat too much.
And the thoughts have crept back in.
I started this blog on a very positive, upbeat note. I would like to continue that. But I also want to write the truth. Negative thoughts about your body can consume you if you let them.
Don't let them.
Focus on the good. Focus on health. Focus on vitality.
Numbers mean nothing. God did not give us calorie charts. God did not give us scales. God gave us good, wholesome food to partake of.
We need to take joy in this. And we need to forget the rest.
