tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40863104336349574762024-02-07T04:06:29.654-08:00Throw Away The ScaleFor the 2015 calendar year, I set the goal not to step on the scale AT ALL, challenging myself to overcome the value I place on that number in order to find more value in myself. I created this blog to keep myself accountable. Join me for the journey this year as I continue to learn how to trust and find harmony within and between my body and spirit.Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-36546939506473698372017-05-21T06:43:00.001-07:002017-05-24T06:08:04.511-07:00Thrive<span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In April of last year, I bought a Fitbit.</span><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">As a mom, I do a lot of unaccounted-for activity throughout the day; I wanted to know how many steps I was taking. But the Fitbit needed access to an app to tell you how many steps you had taken.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">That app had a calorie counting feature. Maybe that would have meant nothing for some people. For me, it was a trigger. I fell. Hard.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I spent the next year obsessing over the numbers. I know, right?? After all that progress I had made in 2015, only a few months before? Gone!</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I lost 15 pounds. I felt good about my body. I was finally where I always wanted to be. I felt like I was attractive. People noticed me when we were out, sometimes looking twice. It was awesome.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">You know what wasn't awesome? My face lacked color. I frequently snapped at my family. I was tired. My period had stopped almost immediately (I'm still breastfeeding, so no one is too worried about this).</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">After the first few months I stopped losing and started eating more, which helped a lot. However, I was at constant war with the scale, working to keep it down.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">In November, I ran a half marathon distance around my neighborhood. That was awesome! I felt so good that month.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Switching gears, I'd like to talk about WHAT I was eating around this time. While calorie counting, I ate my normal foods - whole grains, beans, lots of fruits and veggies, with a little bit of nuts and seeds. I just restricted how much I was eating. Shortly after my half marathon, however, my diet took a higher fat turn. I mean, I was eating TOO MUCH fat. Some of my readers haven't studied up on how this taxes the body, but when I realized I was getting more and more run down (so much so that I stopped exercising as heavily in the month of December), I knew something was up. I discovered that fat clogs insulin, trapping any sugars in your body from being able to fuel your muscles. Now, some people on a high fat, low carb diet might not suffer from this as much (though I far from suggest you try that, since it's very detrimental to the health). However, I was eating high carb AND high fat- and that doesn't work very well.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I finally found my "magic number" for fat intake and reduced low enough that I got my energy back and went back to my usual high-energy exercise routine.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">By then I had gained almost all the weight back. It's taken a couple more months of me slowly letting go to completely regain all the lost weight. I am more muscular than I used to be at this weight, but I am far more aware of my belly than ever before - because I spent over 6 months without it!</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">So, here's a breakdown.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Skinny me: restricting food intake on a whole foods, plant based diet. Running completely on grit. Cranky. Brittle. Hungry. Self focused. Anxious. Turning heads of others.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Me now: eating as many whole, healing plant foods as I want! Tons of energy! Super happy every day, cheerful with everyone, fun for my family to be with. When I'm around others, I've started reaching out more and trying to connect with them, give them a huge smile, my attention. I watch their face change, their day get a little better. I have energy to make the world a better place! Oh, and my acne finally cleared up (hahahahaha). And I have a belly.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Seriously, which of these is better?</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Now, I want to talk about something for my readers who are coming from plant-based Facebook groups. In many circles, there are suggestions that we need to purposefully eat by lower caloric density, filling up on vegetables and potatoes. We should never eat nuts or dried fruit if we want to lose weight. We should try potato-only diets. We should eat only 1-2 pieces of fruit a day.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I say this is baloney. You know where this left me? Cranky with an irritable bowel. Your gut NEEDS fruit. Chef AJ has all these crazy restrictions to her diet, and then she ended up needing to supplement soluble fiber in order to resolve it. Do you know where soluble fiber comes from? FRUIT! Her problem was her body needed more fruit.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I don't care what Dr. McDougall says about fruit and nuts. Your body has its own happy spot for what it needs from both of those food groups, and it will feel better with the right amounts of each. Right now, I'm eating 15+ servings of fruit, and 1-2 servings of nuts/seeds a day. Not to say this is right for everyone. Some people like to eat way less fruit, and that is fine. Just DON'T RESTRICT!</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Because what happens when someone is restricting their body from what it naturally craves? Well, here was me, feeling guilty for bingeing on half a jar of peanut butter because my body was craving both fats and sugars, which are both present in nuts. By eating as much fruit as I crave, I cured my "nut addiction" that seemed so horrible at the time. Now, I naturally eat the right amount of nuts, have resolved my blood sugar issues, and enjoy all the delicious fruit I want. </div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">It's really sad to me that people are coming into plant-based eating with these obstacles before them, slowing their body's healing progress with these unnecessary complications, feeding their previous dieting mentality of deprivation.</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Needless to say, I don't spend time in Facebook groups focused on these restrictions any more. I have since found a few places where I can feel normal for having a belly at the end of the day because I "indulged" in so much healthy, healing, high fiber, whole, plant foods!</div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">For goodness sake, please don't restrict yourself from any foods that can be considered whole, nutritious, and healing! Your body needs the nutrients, and IT knows how much it needs! Once you take out man-made foods that are unnaturally stimulating, there's no need to worry that you'll eat more than necessary; you will eat what's right for your body. Please have faith that God designed your body to thrive.</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-32650522730470511172016-03-24T13:19:00.001-07:002016-03-24T13:19:55.507-07:00ComplimentsHi everyone!<div><br></div><div>I just wanted to share this post from another writer:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/5-worst-things-say-someone-losing-weight/?native_client=1">http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/5-worst-things-say-someone-losing-weight/?native_client=1</a></div><div><br></div><div>She addresses the sensitivities there might be to compliments we often give to people who lose weight. It resonated with me because of what I've tried to express in several of my own posts. For me to want to have been good enough BEFORE losing weight is reasonable. And I guess I'm not the only person who feels like the opposite might be the case if someone compliments the change. We all try to show our support in our own ways - however, this made me feel validated in some of the insecurities I've felt towards compliments on my physical appearance.</div><div><br></div><div>Thanks for reading!</div><div><br></div><div>Jessica</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-91227918106635792552016-01-07T16:03:00.001-08:002016-01-07T20:47:45.722-08:00I weighed myselfNot immediately. We were out of town until the 4th, and I waited until the 6th just in case of any travel "water weight" (right?). But I did it.<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">The night before, I pulled the scale out of the downstairs office closet and brought it up to the bathroom in preparation. I really wasn't sure whether I could do it. It sounded kind of scary, actually.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I lost 6.5 lbs this year. I am 2.5 lbs less than when I got pregnant with my youngest, 12.5 lbs less than when I got pregnant with my oldest, and 26.5 lbs less than when I got married (my highest weight). That's lifestyle for you.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">How do I feel about this? </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">This was a good experience for me. I spent a lot of time this summer feeling good about myself. When I looked in the mirror, I was always surprised because I FELT like I looked better than I actually looked.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Then I got a haircut and replaced a few items in my wardrobe and started THINKING about how I looked. I started feeling negative again.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">There are a lot of places I could take this reflection. Maybe I'll pursue those in the future. What I've found to be the conclusion of my New Year's resolution of 2015 is the discovery that my self consciousness, and, deep down, lack of love for myself, disdain for myself, is merely expressed through my focus on weight; it goes deeper than that. This is an issue that is going to take more than one year's resolution.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">What tips me off in this regard is that I FEEL fat. All the time. Even when I know I'm not.</font></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">As far as goals go, I'm not sure where to go from here. Just one step at a time, right?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">In the future, would I go so long without weighing myself? Probably not. Even after months without weighing myself, I would still have random bouts of anxiety about whether I was gaining weight. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My plan is to weigh myself once a month and see how things go.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you've stuck with me this entire year, thank you for the support!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-53339248184185749532015-12-06T22:32:00.001-08:002015-12-06T22:32:59.283-08:00Almost ThereWe are 25 days away from 2016. Can you believe that? This is me, 25 days away from goal.<div><br></div><div>This post is a little late. I had it on my calendar to post monthly, but somehow I forgot to check my calendar that day. It took another week to realize I'd missed it. How many days late am I now!</div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, this will likely be my last post before we're on the other side of my 2015 New Year's Resolution. I think it's safe to say I've made it! I didn't weigh myself for an entire year. </div><div><br></div><div>Yes, this was difficult. Would I do it again? Nope. Have I gained something from this experience? I'd like to think so. Am I going to weigh myself in 2016. I'm DYING to.</div><div><br></div><div>What does this mean? I still have frequent anxiety about my weight. I think this is going to be a challenge for me throughout my life. I would like to acknowledge this, and use this knowledge in how I approach the scale. It IS just a number, but it's a representation of what's happening to our bodies, something that's hard to discern for ourselves without that measurement.</div><div><br></div><div>What do I hope I weigh? I have a general idea that I'm 7-10 pounds lighter than a year ago. I might be wrong, because I'm also a lot more fit, and we all know muscle weighs more than fat. </div><div><br></div><div>Then what? What if I've lost two inches this year and the scale hasn't changed? Maybe that will be a good experience for me. It will be an opportunity to acknowledge that the scale is a number that's not always accurate. Do I really need a number to tell me how I look. Do I need a mirror?</div><div><br></div><div>I think I've learned to rely on my inner self a little better than that. I find I have more confidence about my appearance than in the past. Maybe it's simply believing I'm 10 pounds lighter. Will that be shattered when I step on the scale?</div><div><br></div><div>I dearly hope not.</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-27946484866262094112015-10-21T23:02:00.002-07:002015-10-21T23:07:31.271-07:00Retreat<div style="color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">
In June, I wrote <a href="http://throwawaythescale.blogspot.com/2015/06/help-yourself-and-then-help-others.html">this</a> post about how loving yourself can lead to better loving others. Soon after that, I read ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel. Late in the book, I was surprised to discover some very applicable thoughts from him. This month's post will be made up mostly by quotes from his book.<br>
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Over the course of the year, I think I've been pretty clear on my feelings of inadequacy about my body - or my inability to accept that my body is changing for the better. I know that this is a common feeling among many of us. What I did not know is the following:<br>
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"Other cultures do not seem to share our false dichotomy. The way the Hebrews and Jesus spoke, they already assumed a strong self-love. The Christian apostle Paul made the same assumption, at one point saying, 'After all, no one ever hated his own body.' This conclusion was logical at that time and in that culture."<br>
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Runkel continues:<br>
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"But who do you know who doesn’t hate his or her own body these days? Very few, I’m sure. Body image issues surround us so much that we cannot escape breathing in a culture of endless comparison and resulting self-hatred. Recently the Dalai Lama spoke about a conference he attended in the early 1990s of Western psychiatrists and psychologists discussing self-hatred. The Dalai Lama said that for the first hours of listening to these doctors, he thought his English was failing him. He asked himself and others, 'Are they really saying "self-hatred"?' He says he had never, in his vast experience of Eastern philosophy and politics, even considered the notion of self-hatred. But these doctors were speaking as if it were a very common, even epidemic, condition in the West. The Dalai Lama had no folder in his mind to categorize this human experience.<br>
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"But we do. We know it all too well. And in one of the most futile moves possible, we hate how we feel about ourselves, and yet we try to use that hatred to motivate ourselves to change. Let’s return to the weight issue. Fat Bastard, the obese Scotsman in the Austin Powers movies, summed it up this way: 'I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle.'"<br>
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Runkel had a very important point in bringing this self-hatred, this cycle, to light:<br>
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"As long as your motivation is your own self-loathing, there is no possible way to make a lasting positive change in your life. And the reason is simple. It’s because the bad pattern you’re trying to change, like overeating, is itself an attempt to make yourself feel better. So by trying to cut it out you are trying to cut out the only thing that makes you feel good. No wonder we sabotage our diets and exercise plans! As long as we’re motivated by our self-hatred, then we’ll never sustain any effort that feels like deprivation, hating ourselves more. Even if it’s ultimately good for us.<br>
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"This is because we don’t feel or believe we have a legitimate right to treat ourselves well in the first place. Loving ourselves, and all the effort that takes, feels far too selfish or narcissistic."<br>
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There! That was the point from my other post! Why does it have to feel selfish to take the time to love ourselves? I have managed to do it, but just barely. Over the course of several months, I slowly took more time for myself in the morning, even while feeling guilty for asking my husband to watch the children before work. First, it was just fifteen minutes every other day. Then, it was thirty. Soon, I had a solid hour booked for myself EVERY SINGLE MORNING.<br>
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Sometimes, I feel ridiculous. Seriously, my husband arrives at work anywhere from 10 A.M. to 11 A.M. just so I can have free time to run, do yoga, shower, and get dressed for the day. I feel absolutely ludicrous most of the time, especially as I'm centering myself with slow yoga breaths, grasping my "intention" (okay, so there are a lot of things that feel silly about yoga, but I still deeply enjoy it).<br>
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Am I just trying to escape my family? Hiding myself away with the iPad, and maybe sneaking a few extra moments to hang some clean laundry while I'm alone in the closet anyway?<br>
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No. I am taking my requisite time to myself before I start the day. I am having a retreat.<br>
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Runkel:</div>
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"Let’s look at the difference between an escape and a retreat. In the context of relationships, an escape is a purely selfish act. An escape is an unplanned action. It is often unintentional, and it is always done in haste. When you are attempting to escape from a situation, all you know is what you are running from—you honestly don’t care to know what you’re running to or why you’re doing so. An escape is based on the need for self-preservation, and it hardly ever involves a plan of return. At its heart, an escape is simply another form of screaming. It is an anxiety-driven reaction, and it carries all the seeds for creating the very types of relationships we’re hoping to avoid.<br>
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"A retreat, however, is quite a different animal altogether. Retreats are intentional breaks from the action with the specific intent of regrouping and returning. In taking a retreat, you know where you are going and you know why you are going. You are retreating in order to benefit others as well as yourself. Retreats are a way to focus on yourself in order to become the best you imaginable. If you think this sounds selfish, consider this: Every great religious leader in history spent a significant amount of time in retreat before and/or during his or her service to the world. Consider Abraham, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, Paul, Muhammad, Gandhi, Mother Teresa. I’d venture a guess that not one of these figures was ever called selfish. Heretical, yes. But never selfish.<br>
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He continues:<br>
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"Here’s how escape and retreat are related: The fewer intentional retreats we take for ourselves, the more we will find ourselves unintentionally finding ways to escape. If we’re not diligent in carving out retreats for ourselves in the form of healthy activities, we are sure to find an escape somewhere. Escapes for you may include obvious bad habits, such as smoking, overeating, or drinking to excess. You may find yourself getting completely lost in pornography, or romance novels, or fantasy lit. Or you may mentally or even physically 'check out' of your family’s life, pursuing an affair or just running away.<br>
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"One way to lessen the likelihood of this desire to escape is to plan intentional retreats for yourself. Exercise, pamper yourself with a manicure, learn to play a musical instrument, meditate, seek personal growth. Pursue profoundly deep relationships with friends outside of your family. Take your spirituality to new heights, leaning on a higher power to provide you all the validation you need as a human being."<br>
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I felt so validated reading that! THAT was what I was doing! I finally had permission - and from a parenting book no less. My morning routine is my retreat (though I do love my young adult romance novels). That is my chance to love myself, so that I am more prepared to go out and love my family.<br>
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More Runkel:<br>
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"You may be asking yourself 'Who has the time?' You don’t. That’s just more evidence of the problem. You must create the time by choosing to put on your own oxygen mask first.<br>
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"It is in the fabric of our culture, and it has been handed down to us generation after generation, that it is far better to deny ourselves, even hate ourselves, than it is to openly love ourselves first. ... In an amazingly confessional interview near the end of his life, baseball great Mickey Mantle made a touching realization. In reflecting on his broken body and disintegrated relationships (especially as a father), the mighty Mick sighed, 'If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.'<br>
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"How we live today determines so much of how we will live tomorrow. And how we live today and tomorrow determines so much about our relationships with our children.<br>
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"I want you to think of it this way: What has to last is what has to come first. YOUR HEALTH. A broken body makes it extremely difficult to provide for and protect your children. Your health is not an 'extra” in your life, it is your first responsibility.'"<br>
[All quotes from ScreamFree Parenting, Hal Runkel, 131-134]<br>
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There you have it. Love yourself so that you can truly be there for everyone else. In the last ten months (only two more to go!), I have carved out that time for myself that now feels hallowed. That time (and the use of endorphins) has allowed my to feel a deep sense of contentedness, well-being, and control. It gives me the ability to smile at my children like I mean it, to kiss and cuddle them, and to say yes to requests that are going to take more energy than I really want to spare. By putting myself first for that one hour, I gain the emotional strength to tackle the rest of the day.<br>
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Please learn how to love yourself. That love will pour out and uplift others around you.</div>
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Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-72197788240713917022015-09-26T19:08:00.001-07:002015-09-26T20:45:33.966-07:00SeptemberMy calendar says I'm due for an update! Here it is:<div><br></div><div>Why can't I forget about losing weight? Because I spent a decade thinking it was true. I spent all of high school telling myself to lose weight. I spent all of college telling myself the same. I even spent all of middle school saying this to myself. Was this ever true? Sure, a small fraction of the time. Barely. Is it true now?</div><div><br></div><div>No.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm quite happy with how I look and feel. I might need a better haircut, but I have definition in my shoulders, thighs, and calves. Sure, I still have that little pooch of stomach fat. Does it really matter? I have some pretty good muscle under there.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm still drawn to talk of weight loss. It entices me. Like I just can't get used to the fact that I'm fine where I am.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm healthy. I feel good. I look fine. The end.</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-34445288983155445282015-09-01T13:23:00.001-07:002015-09-01T13:23:20.537-07:00Don't look at me!<span style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">As far as body image goes, I think I'm way more confident than I used to be. However, I have issue with the weight loss thing, and how people view me. I seriously keep panicking about the entire thing. Last April, a family member commented that I'd lost all the baby weight. I totally closed in on myself and could barely get a word out about it. This weekend, a different family member who we haven't seen since November asked me where I had put the rest of myself, because I'm so much smaller. I laughed it off and said that was my baby weight. Inside, I wanted to know whether she thought I'd looked bad before. </span><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Finally, after much thought, I realized I had a different problem. Sure, I thought I had gotten past caring what people think. But no, I still do. I don't want people to look at me. I just want to hide. I think I'm radiating much more confidence these days, and a bit of that is acting, and a bit is trying to shove off some of the realization that people are looking at me. I try to forget that my hair, when down, looks like Hermione's hair in the first Harry Potter movie - except there's random crimps in it all over; when up, there all sort of flyaway "bangs" from the hair regrowing my postpartum hair loss faze. I haven't gotten a hair cut in 10 months, and I need to, but it's not a priority.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">It try to forget that my pants fit my middle weird. I try to forget that I'm not wearing makeup anymore, or that my shirt is stretched out from nursing or that, whoops!, my nipple is hanging out because my 13-month-old surprised me and took off during our session. And the snot on my shirt. And when did I bathe the kids last? Yes, that smell is coming from us, sorry.</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Okay, maybe it's no wonder I don't want comments about my body. My point is, I need to let go. I need to stop caring. Why do I seize up so much about the weight issue when I'm not doing anything to change the rest? Sure, I accidentally dipped my hair in the smoothie, but comment on me losing weight and WHOA! Stop right there!</div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Okay, yeah. I've gotta work on this.</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-10462907132893120352015-08-14T22:54:00.002-07:002015-08-15T19:00:41.357-07:00What I Eat<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">Today, I posted this on Facebook:</span><br>
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"<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This morning I put my belt on and found that the belt no longer had any holes that fit me. So I got my measuring tape out and discovered I lost yet another inch - I'm officially the smallest I've been since I was about 16. I'm still not weighing myself, but I have a pretty good idea of what this means..."</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here was the sequence of events this week:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Monday - I feel like my running pants might fall off during my run.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tuesday - My wedding ring is getting too wiggly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Wednesday - My shirt definitely needs to be put in the "too big" section of the closet.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And here we are at Friday and the above results. How do I feel about it? I'm flabbergasted, even though I know exactly what habits caused this to happen. What with running 3x per week (3 miles each), yoga 3x per week (30 minutes each), and retraining my body to recognize when it's had enough food (a.k.a., my appestat). </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Anyway, now that we've covered that... I've had a lot of requests to know what I eat and feed my family. Today a good friend of mine specifically requested I post a sample week on my blog so that she could share it with others she knows who have been interested.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This blog was created with the topic of body image in mind. However, at this point I feel that most of what I needed to work through has been accomplished. So... Why not dedicate a post to discussing specifically what I eat?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">BREAKFAST:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We eat oatmeal every day. This takes variations. My husband does the same thing himself: he microwaves rolled oats with water, then mixes in ground flax, a little agave or Grade B maple syrup, and chooses a fruit to chop and top it with. My 3 year old eats similar. He's the only one of us who eats eggs with any regularity. Mornings are his chance to ask. Most of the time we don't have eggs in the house, and even when we do he doesn't always ask.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As for me, I do the same oatmeal as my husband quite frequently, except sometimes I top mine with slices almonds, and I skip the agave and do three pieces of fruit instead of one - I'm a breastfeeding mom, after all!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sometimes I do steel cut oats instead. Sometimes I do overnight oat. Sometimes I make almond milk and use this with rolled oats, treating them just like boxed cereal.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My version of almond milk:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Soak a big bag of almond overnight. Drain and freeze in a Ziploc bag. When making fresh milk - use 1/2 cup soaked frozen almonds with 4 cups warm/hot water, plus 1 tsp vanilla. Blend on high in a high-speed blender. I don't strain it, but most people do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">On the rare occasion, I make pancakes:</span></div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgOZWZcqFpB9RXxS-qyC1ROSUpd_RlG8NljIRJtZnLIfMZJTn8UiL1Wgs6ZrFV_v70jS7e-1EzohoMLfN6sw-BcsM_xKi0QNdxuvPPFS8iZWEqz-Y253hKYbQSh_kRNL0tvZZyJJatNVd/s640/blogger-image-1780911117.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgOZWZcqFpB9RXxS-qyC1ROSUpd_RlG8NljIRJtZnLIfMZJTn8UiL1Wgs6ZrFV_v70jS7e-1EzohoMLfN6sw-BcsM_xKi0QNdxuvPPFS8iZWEqz-Y253hKYbQSh_kRNL0tvZZyJJatNVd/s640/blogger-image-1780911117.jpg"></a></div> </span></div>
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LUNCH:</div>
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After a few years of marriage, we figured out what worked the best in terms of lunches was for me to cook dinner for four so that we could eat leftovers for lunch the next day. We keep an ongoing list of what pre-made food we have in the fridge, and it goes in order so that we know what food is oldest and should take priority in getting eaten up.</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">DINNER:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmN7Q_ILbJaXmAZq3z64_83t-SEZnx00-W2l86oSwWusXjQkqyRomgS8XJii57rl9Ks9VpuBQ55cURtR3ka7vrIOTiuaND8ptldBVT_y7oTputjb0Rd3SSH0q8ZzWCcxkUmgYd6-R84-1/s1600/blogger-image--1420767614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmN7Q_ILbJaXmAZq3z64_83t-SEZnx00-W2l86oSwWusXjQkqyRomgS8XJii57rl9Ks9VpuBQ55cURtR3ka7vrIOTiuaND8ptldBVT_y7oTputjb0Rd3SSH0q8ZzWCcxkUmgYd6-R84-1/s640/blogger-image--1420767614.jpg"></a></div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have two moods that I go through when I cook: the recipe mood, and the wing-it mood. With practice, my winging it has improved.</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here's what we ate for dinner in the last week:</span><br>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Saturday - Potato salad and Tomato salad - bot were the wing-it sort of meals. However, they turned out so good that I wrote down what I did.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmN7Q_ILbJaXmAZq3z64_83t-SEZnx00-W2l86oSwWusXjQkqyRomgS8XJii57rl9Ks9VpuBQ55cURtR3ka7vrIOTiuaND8ptldBVT_y7oTputjb0Rd3SSH0q8ZzWCcxkUmgYd6-R84-1/s640/blogger-image--1420767614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmN7Q_ILbJaXmAZq3z64_83t-SEZnx00-W2l86oSwWusXjQkqyRomgS8XJii57rl9Ks9VpuBQ55cURtR3ka7vrIOTiuaND8ptldBVT_y7oTputjb0Rd3SSH0q8ZzWCcxkUmgYd6-R84-1/s640/blogger-image--1420767614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNLFSvMsUC1jFHIrHDH7StxrMcC26La_IkpUB0Wp1yhF5i_An6LpXN5Go_Wd7llKDuL67HrTWC6FkTvK5ABNo48YLtsOxVLAZ-b6odCKQNOjUzFV3zOWOr8nPdxDim4t2uDcsJ21EPdCkF/s640/blogger-image--1732912026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNLFSvMsUC1jFHIrHDH7StxrMcC26La_IkpUB0Wp1yhF5i_An6LpXN5Go_Wd7llKDuL67HrTWC6FkTvK5ABNo48YLtsOxVLAZ-b6odCKQNOjUzFV3zOWOr8nPdxDim4t2uDcsJ21EPdCkF/s640/blogger-image--1732912026.jpg"></a></span></div>
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You'll notice the word "Veganaise" in the ingredients. I bought a jar of this six or so months ago, and it was still good. I had no tahini and no avocado on had, and really felt like making the potato salad creamy (which isn't always necessary in my mind). So I used this. It is a processed food free of additives, however it does include oil, which I almost never consume. We really enjoyed the potato salad, but it upset my digestive system a little, and messed with my ability to stop when full because of the lovely fat molecules.</div>
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Sunday - A tomato and parsley dish served with lentils and brown rice. The tomatoes were dry-sauteed with garlic, and the parsley was mixed in last. For some reason in the last year, my husband has come to believe that lentils are synonymous with sauerkraut (we use Bubbie's from the whole food store because it has live cultures), so we also had that.</div>
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Monday - Jungle Curry:</div>
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(roughly triple produce)<br>2-3 garlic cloves (minced)<br>2 green onions (sliced, reserve some dark green parts)<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br>pinch red pepper flakes<br>1+ cup veg broth<br>1 bell pepper (seeded, sliced)<br>1 cup green beans (trimmed, 2-inch long)<br>1 sweet potato (sliced thin) or carrots<br>Sauce, in high speed blender:<br>1/4-1/3 cup soaked almonds<br>2 cups water<br>1-2 tsp yellow curry powder (or red curry paste)<br>1 tsp low sodium soy sauce, tamari, or coconut aminos<br>1 tbsp rice vinegar<br>1 tbsp agave<br>1/2 tsp ketchup<br>1/2 tsp ginger<br>1/2 tsp cornstarch<br>Saute garlic, green onion and red pepper flakes in broth for a few minutes. Add peppers, green beans and sweet potato, and more broth as needed. Cook until fork tender. Meanwhile, blend all sauce ingredients on high. Pour over veggies and simmer until tender, and potato starch has thickened the curry sauce. </span></div>
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Austin said it might be good with jalepeno instead of red pepper flakes.</div>
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My own variation of recipe from Happy Herbivore Light & Lean (I don't actually own this book, the author recently gave this recipe away for free on Facebook)</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A note on ketchup: I use a "clean" brand; I prefer the kind sweetened with agave.</span></div><div class="" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-r3X7syBjBmBJ0JjEJwEeNPUoyfw998ORkzlGuYBulnak7P21rowiLI9XZoBCYz-58Wrtz7r_XKoEwBmlMIYxQy_g1ReM1j7RHSXIdapzd31mkI1XqFLBhfuLpGfXOaWuhFHr1TjDCtM/s640/blogger-image-2132901021.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-r3X7syBjBmBJ0JjEJwEeNPUoyfw998ORkzlGuYBulnak7P21rowiLI9XZoBCYz-58Wrtz7r_XKoEwBmlMIYxQy_g1ReM1j7RHSXIdapzd31mkI1XqFLBhfuLpGfXOaWuhFHr1TjDCtM/s640/blogger-image-2132901021.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeRvGjRPFEloMaq1Os7emkBdbfd66Bgyee9177Cl9aiTV9sM9IF55qY_XC4E9n3I30S9jaQrSegqmp9eWfyX0ATPjRgS6h-2yZR_2u-Uhyphenhyphen5e4Bqka8x8SshP1Ql4Gl0sTuvemjZ56_N5Y/s640/blogger-image-594408534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxeRvGjRPFEloMaq1Os7emkBdbfd66Bgyee9177Cl9aiTV9sM9IF55qY_XC4E9n3I30S9jaQrSegqmp9eWfyX0ATPjRgS6h-2yZR_2u-Uhyphenhyphen5e4Bqka8x8SshP1Ql4Gl0sTuvemjZ56_N5Y/s640/blogger-image-594408534.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tuesday: Mushroom Risotto. I'll give you the link. It was okay. I added spinach. In general, risotto takes too long for me to get very excited about it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://www.straightupfood.com/blog/2015/08/04/mushroom-risotto/</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Wednesday: Broccoli stir-fry and baked sweet potatoes. I dry-sauteed the broccoli (I have a non-stick pan) and added this sauce towards the end:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://nutritionstudies.org/recipes/sauce/date-and-soy-stir-fry-sauce/</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Funny about the sauce though - I only chose that particular sauce because I had date frosting (i.e., dates blended on high with water until proper consistency is reached) to use up. Isaac loves date frosting, but I think everyone's feeling a little done with dates around here lately, so no one was eating it. Anyway, I just added the frosting in addition to the other ingredients to a mason jar, gave it a good shake, and poured it in with the broccoli.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Thursday: Corn on the cob, cauliflower stir-fried with tomatoes and jalepenos, and leftover lentils.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Friday:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"I didn't realize I was craving brown rice until I saw it." -This is what my husband said as he started chowing into his second serving. By the way, these were huge plates. All our other plates were in the dishwasher:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtDM0TplSUvEFD5b0akvP0XdoZJ_u9SLG6N6ntpaWQOOaUR3vhG0e6aqzuisfwEw5mXpk0RsVhLGKdmNvz6rJfpZCF7gpev4gnW6HMEaYQzbUStvamSk1sA-SFF7JH4ZAEU2NlYsINg8mx/s640/blogger-image--465379802.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtDM0TplSUvEFD5b0akvP0XdoZJ_u9SLG6N6ntpaWQOOaUR3vhG0e6aqzuisfwEw5mXpk0RsVhLGKdmNvz6rJfpZCF7gpev4gnW6HMEaYQzbUStvamSk1sA-SFF7JH4ZAEU2NlYsINg8mx/s640/blogger-image--465379802.jpg"></a></span></div>
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This was a hodge-podge of things that needed to be eaten up, combined with things that we have in plentitude: onion, garlic, carrots, tomatoes, olives, and spinach. I know, very random. It turned out very tasty though, surprisingly.</div>
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The sauce recipe I used was from this, though you might not be able to read it:</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqyq2lbiRGX7C5JtHCgfFSx-UB-EwcDHWwflZj8BZGupFiZOugk6LC3ciwdmpZEkJ_2GS20lDXIscM970CHYUsu4o_BXzZiRJ3_odKN2L5VGgMZtQr3Z9W7R_4RFDg3r-YOOBmSaBMXniS/s640/blogger-image--284447474.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqyq2lbiRGX7C5JtHCgfFSx-UB-EwcDHWwflZj8BZGupFiZOugk6LC3ciwdmpZEkJ_2GS20lDXIscM970CHYUsu4o_BXzZiRJ3_odKN2L5VGgMZtQr3Z9W7R_4RFDg3r-YOOBmSaBMXniS/s640/blogger-image--284447474.jpg"></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here's a close-up of the sauce part. Um, I took my leftover stir-fry sauce from two nights ago and added the vinegar and ketchup. . . It truly turned out fantastic, and now there is absolutely nothing else that needs to be used up!</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwgR5O1_vNR8ouZ_eQyx0mhSvcuaoO-prrAFj0YsRnXeQj6A2fRY2mtSxp9DvUExTJPjJ4tcILcgyKSNn1zdFoZCoLVfADJ-PE7KSAaztrYXMR8j6tjY6bcrwsXHWMinYFBsTC-3aVfO8/s640/blogger-image--124359450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwgR5O1_vNR8ouZ_eQyx0mhSvcuaoO-prrAFj0YsRnXeQj6A2fRY2mtSxp9DvUExTJPjJ4tcILcgyKSNn1zdFoZCoLVfADJ-PE7KSAaztrYXMR8j6tjY6bcrwsXHWMinYFBsTC-3aVfO8/s640/blogger-image--124359450.jpg"></a></span></div>
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So, that's our last week of dinners at a glance. Roughly once a month, this will also happen:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMQvOSuwy6hHs6XSUk8SgnwNW07eol-T6xjwUPUZdTYtlp4AqYpxL85j7K3D6-vLhIpw7N5lSmkqWfdD1y3FUaiUp5FImCux_meNs2LM_FENUET5T8l2Y4d1V7Rcteh9oRMo5kgLOQE56t/s640/blogger-image-1819056904.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMQvOSuwy6hHs6XSUk8SgnwNW07eol-T6xjwUPUZdTYtlp4AqYpxL85j7K3D6-vLhIpw7N5lSmkqWfdD1y3FUaiUp5FImCux_meNs2LM_FENUET5T8l2Y4d1V7Rcteh9oRMo5kgLOQE56t/s640/blogger-image-1819056904.jpg"></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Those are Native Fries, from Native Foods, which is a 100% plant-based restaurant. I took the boys here a few weeks ago. My eldest ate fries, I ate salad, and my baby ate both (though I had brought freeze-dried mango so that he wouldn't get too attached to the fries; he ended up only having four fries, which I felt was success). The salad was way too greasy. Their dressings always sound good, but they are never worth the yucky feeling in my stomach afterwards. I need to remember to ask them for no dressing, and then get some balsamic vinegar instead.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My eldest son does not usually eat what we eat at dinner. The starch tends to be the only sell for him. He loves brown rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes, etc. If he does not want what I make, he has two other options: fresh fruit, or a can of beans. These are both options that he loves, and means I'm not cooking a second dinner.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">SNACKS:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Snacks for the kiddos and me include the following:</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Smoothies:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6AHuNYj9JssLsm1CQS7H0YSuJzaWIr-cOt5XKDF12MYRrvOxIFDO_T6LbO1NwHLdOEIxo3IWp_aNTALvSoHex4BrXrmIIqPnL3eKsgPNJceIIPE7UTVeUyzSVtSTaMZZTD-lqqdjVPsKK/s640/blogger-image--111107770.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6AHuNYj9JssLsm1CQS7H0YSuJzaWIr-cOt5XKDF12MYRrvOxIFDO_T6LbO1NwHLdOEIxo3IWp_aNTALvSoHex4BrXrmIIqPnL3eKsgPNJceIIPE7UTVeUyzSVtSTaMZZTD-lqqdjVPsKK/s640/blogger-image--111107770.jpg"></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ice cream - roughly four or five bananas, a little honey, a little vanilla, and then whatever flavor or color additions that my eldest requests. Here we have "pink" ice cream:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhLEiBNpIjPf3hyphenhyphenvNGR6R6GDy1nzTaHwmtcoXzkv3GCMMmrKLfu_Ri85fcxuQmZB2wFoBNRz_lf6yrzT0o2N_i6ecR8Zychf2e9h0CSjDsAhrmHahARRl3F1S2-eTPP9bHBWkQLPU-K1y8/s640/blogger-image--2061245525.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhLEiBNpIjPf3hyphenhyphenvNGR6R6GDy1nzTaHwmtcoXzkv3GCMMmrKLfu_Ri85fcxuQmZB2wFoBNRz_lf6yrzT0o2N_i6ecR8Zychf2e9h0CSjDsAhrmHahARRl3F1S2-eTPP9bHBWkQLPU-K1y8/s640/blogger-image--2061245525.jpg"></a></span></div>
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(a.k.a., triple berry)</div>
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And "green" ice cream (a.k.a., peas). It's important to use honey as the sweetener of choice here, because it lends flexibility to the ice cream when refreezing.</div>
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Fresh fruit:</div>
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Fruit is always the most ideal snack because it's tasty (obviously) and convenient. It takes little to no preparation. We go through around three bunches of bananas a week, and a couple Costco boxes worth of other fruit (though this isn't always the fruit's origin).</div>
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We will also occasionally make a "treat." Yesterday we made carrot muffins:</div>
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http://happyherbivore.com/recipe/the-famous-carrot-cake-cupcakes/</div>
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I added less sugar (coconut sugar), used oat and einkorn flour instead (I have a modern wheat sensitivity), and didn't do any frosting or glaze.</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">EVENING:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This has been a tough one. I have gone through many habits here, but have finally settled into eating fruit as my evening treat. It took a while for this to truly feel like a "treat," but now it does. My go-to evening fruit treat is melon. When I eat melon alone, I just cut it in half and use a grapefruit spoon, no matter the type of melon. It's so much easier than when I have to cut it up for the kids, and thereby I enjoy it more. All the other fruits I can easily eat throughout the day, and so melon has been my favorite in the evening.</span></div>
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SPECIAL OCCASIONS:<br>
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Baby's 1st birthday were banana blueberry muffins:</div>
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http://lowfatveganchef.com/fat-free-vegan-whole-wheat-banana-blueberry-muffins/</div>
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As always, I subbed the flours - this time I used einkorn combined with almond, which made it taste practically like wedding cake :o</div>
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This was my birthday cake:</div>
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It was utterly delicious, and meant I didn't have to do baking only two days after my baby's birthday. Fruit = convenience, remember? ;)</div>
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OTHER STUFF:<br>
Since moving to our newest home, a lot of our produce has come from a local provider who sells the items in bulk. This makes it extremely cheap to eat the way we eat, as long as we're doing it seasonally. When you eat plants all the time, you can handle buying 20-40 pounds of the same thing all at once.</div>
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This was my dill for the year. I froze most of it:<br>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUg5qY9U1a8wpdxQo7GMDiFNHGBu7LoYOzdu5wbJtC4hyphenhyphen2UT1naWnupfmzkTqppeubNB6tCGXZAa3cm137rlnugLIQEAXSofbziQlID7sD7EQmmcHfU6nKH5RQfl71HrRFW6rHirVmV1aH/s640/blogger-image--737112630.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUg5qY9U1a8wpdxQo7GMDiFNHGBu7LoYOzdu5wbJtC4hyphenhyphen2UT1naWnupfmzkTqppeubNB6tCGXZAa3cm137rlnugLIQEAXSofbziQlID7sD7EQmmcHfU6nKH5RQfl71HrRFW6rHirVmV1aH/s640/blogger-image--737112630.jpg"></a><br>
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There are several things I do each week that carry through for most of the week. This week, I batch-baked sweet potatoes twice. We have 40 pounds of them from our produce guy, and they go like hot-cakes around here. One night this week, my husband opened the door of the fridge and was disappointed to discover the pre-cooked sweet potatoes had been eaten up. I made more the next day.</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I also made some delicious pickles:</span><br>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://www.vega-licious.com/easy-dill-pickle-recipe-no-sugar/</span><br>
The first time I made them, almost the entire jar was devoured by the four of us within one meal. Yes, both kids loved them!<br>
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A note on our plant-based status:<br>
We are not 100% plant-based. We're about 98%. My husband and eldest son occasionally have a dab of butter. My baby and I are dairy-free, but both my husband and I eat chicken, fish, or eggs a few times a month. Like I mentioned in the breakfast section, my 3 year old eats eggs with semi-regularity, but animal foods still make up less than 10% of his diet.<br>
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Through my own study, I have determined that eating animal foods is okay within that 10% confinement. If you eat at least 90% of your diet as whole plant foods, you should be able to have all the benefits of full health.</div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><br></div><div style="text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When we began this journey, my husband really couldn't afford to lose any weight. I proceeded with our diet change anyway, feeling his health would benefit in too many other ways to be concerned about his weight. He lost about five pounds at the beginning, two years ago. This was a real stress point for me, but he's maintained ever since, and his appetite is actually growing now, he's begun craving real food for the first time in his life, whereas before it used to be a chore, even if it was a treat like pizza or ice cream.</span><br>
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There might be more I missed, and I know this post probably could have been done better - there was so much to say! - but I think you've gotten the gist. Below are some resources you might like:</span></font><br>
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Websites:</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
forksoverknives.com (also check out the documentary)</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
straightupfood.com (recipes)</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
nutritionstudies.org</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
happyherbivore.com</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
vega-licious.com</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
discoveringthewordofwisdom.com</span></font><br>
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Books:</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
The China Study</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
Healthy at 100</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
Super Immunity</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
Disease-Proof Your Child</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
Discovering the Word of Wisdom</span></font><br><font color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7019607843137254)" face="UICTFontTextStyleBody"><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);">
Whole: Rethinking the Science of Nutrition</span></font></div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-23873152407569014812015-07-26T20:37:00.000-07:002015-07-26T20:37:14.367-07:00I lost weight<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of you read the post I wrote a month ago <a href="http://throwawaythescale.blogspot.com/2015/06/june.html">here</a>, where I mentioned how my husband thought I looked a little smaller. Well, I was sure he was wrong. But then I started paying attention to how all my clothes fit.</div>
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I was the one who was wrong. Ultimately, I got out the measuring tape that I had ignored for the last few months. I've lost an inch.</div>
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I don't think that's especially surprising. Since I quit the scale for a year, I have kept up a workout routine that I didn't previously have. In the last six weeks or so, I have managed to quit my overeating habit (this plagued me for one meal each night: dinner, the most interesting meal of my day). I had reason to drop a bit. I also quit eating dates wrapped around unsweetened chocolate at night - an innocent enough habit, until my consumption went from 2 dates to 13 dates a night.</div>
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What was surprising was the emotional roller coaster the knowledge of my weight loss took me for. First, I reveled in the loss. Next, I started stressing that I was going to regain. Most nights I would consider my overall intake for the day and wonder if it had been too much. I wanted to maintain, but wasn't sure what was going on because I couldn't weigh myself. There was also the pesky problem of my favorite capris being too loose - I know, huge problem. However, I feel like I'm constantly in need of new clothes because of my changing body - weight loss, pregnancy, breastfeeding, weight loss, pregnancy, breastfeeding, weight loss, etc. I really desire a reliable wardrobe.<br />
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Then a thought struck me. Do I even want to lose weight? And if I didn't care about losing weight, why was I so stressed out? The obvious answer was to chill, move on, and practice healthy eating habits - same as I had been doing before.<br />
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So I moved on. Wonderful, right?<br />
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The lack of knowledge still torments me though. My mom visited in the last week, and pictures of me were taken so that I could truly see myself from the angle others saw me - I'm slender, and have more tone than ever before (it isn't much, but still). But I also indulged more last week than the usual habits that got me that one inch loss. So I still worried.<br />
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Ultimately, I don't think completely getting rid of the scale is the right thing for me. Weighing myself quells my anxiety. And, while that number isn't necessarily an accurate reflection of what's going on inside, it brings my mind some peace. It was my husband who said that, after this year, I might want to go back to weighing myself - if only once a month. For now, I think that'll be my long-term plan after my year is up.<br />
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But I still have five months left! </div>
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Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-66731839832717232252015-06-28T22:59:00.000-07:002015-06-28T22:59:13.688-07:00Help yourself, and then help othersAs evidenced by the fact that most of you didn't get notified about my blog post last week, I didn't feel quite right about it. Not that there was anything wrong about the post - it just wasn't in the right tone. I wanted to radiate more positivity and confidence than what it had to offer.<br />
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So here's this post's theme: help yourself, and then help others.<br />
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We've all heard this analogy before: you're on an airplane and the oxygen masks are released. What do you do? You secure your own mask before securing the masks of those around you. How has this idea been applied before?<br />
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1. In terms of physical safety, as in the situation with the oxygen masks.<br />
2. Spiritual safety. For an example, see <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/joseph-smith?lang=eng">Elder Anderson's</a> talk from the October 2014 General Conference.<br />
3. Health and wellness. I've seen this a lot lately online: take care of your own eating habits (clean them up), and THEN worry about helping others.<br />
4. I don't know how new this idea is - it only just occurred to me for this blog post: CONFIDENCE AND LOVE FOR YOURSELF.<br />
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I'm a mother. As a mother, I want to teach my children how to see value in themselves, how to love themselves. I want to teach them how to be confident - a healthful confidence, not an overly prideful confidence. What is the most effective method to do this?<br />
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I think what is typical is trying to fill each individual with that confidence. We shower our children with praise and approval, hoping to see the light in their eyes as their confidence grows. We are basically TELLING them how to feel confident. Which is great. . . But isn't SHOWING the more effective method of teaching?<br />
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How can you SHOW your child how to be confident?<br />
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Could it be that the key to self worth, self confidence, self love, for our children is mastering the same for ourselves? We need to learn how to be confident with ourselves, and then we may lead by example.<br />
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People spend a lot of time showing OTHERS their approval, trying to convince them that they agree with what the other person is doing, and they spend less time showing THEMSELVES their own approval. Sure, we spend time rationalizing things. But how often does each of us look in the mirror and approve of what we see?<br />
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It is absolutely wonderful to praise others. It's been said that it is WRONG to withhold praise. But we naturally resort to TELLING them the reasons they should love themselves. We don't even fully realize that they're learning from what they see us do EVERY DAY.<br />
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Here's the part you've heard before: what expressions does your child see you make when you look in the mirror? Does he/she see you grimace or frown? Does he/she see you smile? Does your child watch you weigh yourself? Does he/she hear you use the word "fat"? Does he or she hear you fretting about your appearance? Talking about how much or how little you're eating? Whether you think it was the right amount or the wrong amount?<br />
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If it's possible to gain a negative perspective on self through example, is it also possible for them to find more balance with themselves if you show them the way? Let's turn this on it's head. What can your child hear from you to learn how to see the good in themselves ON THEIR OWN?<br />
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Does this fit here?: Teach your child how to fish, don't always just hand him the fish.<br />
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Handing out compliments is great, but your child needs to know how to see those compliments on his own, without someone pointing them out. Help him or her create a positive self voice by setting the example of what that can sound like.<br />
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Do you approve of yourself? Why or why not? What can you do to change that? If you know what you can do, why aren't you DOING it? What is keeping you from loving yourself?<br />
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Learn how to love yourself. Whatever the way you believe you should eat, come to harmony with it. Find harmony with your heart, your spirit, your body. Learn to like the PERSON you see in the mirror. Spend less time looking for imperfections and more time reflecting on the happiness there. Then walk away and let that happiness, contentment, and harmony radiate outward and change others.<br />
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On another note, if you can't learn to stop focusing on what's wrong with yourSELF, then how can you ever learn to be selfLESS? You need to learn to love yourself so that you are MORE CAPABLE of loving others. Find that harmony within so that you can stop centering your thoughts on yourself: what you're doing wrong, how you look wrong, how you feel wrong, etc. What are you doing RIGHT? How can you do more RIGHT? And how can you spread that RIGHT out so that others can benefit from the difference?<br />
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But don't let what I'm saying deter you from doing RIGHT for others immediately. Serving others can be incredibly healing for the soul. It can boost your spirit, and help you to love yourself.<br />
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Whatever you do, it's a cycle. Love yourself so that you can love others, and love others so that you can love yourself.<br />
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And don't get deterred by the small mistakes you make on the way! Love yourself AS you make yourself better.<br />
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Come into harmony with your body so that you can better reach harmony within yourself, your spirit, with your children, with the earth, and with God.Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-23930938825188823462015-06-21T22:30:00.000-07:002015-06-21T22:30:03.662-07:00June<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I really only have one reason to have a new post right now - I said I would once a month. My commitment to staying away from the scale stands. There's not much interesting going on there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So I've racked my brain for thoughts I've had this month about body image. I actually had a conversation about my body image with a friend via Facebook Messenger - which is convenient, because now I can quote it back to you word for word:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"I<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">'m actually pretty self conscious about how I look quite often, and actually more so since I've become so vocal about my diet. I don't want anyone blaming the diet for how I look, or claiming that it's not working. 1: acne. It's there, and I worry that people see it. I think I mentioned it seems worse if I eat fattier foods, so maybe I can hope it disappears in the future. 2: I'm really not THAT thin. I worry that people think I should be thinner if I'm really eating right. 3: I quit wearing makeup only recently. This is a mark of my growing confidence in myself, but also I worry that people think I SHOULD wear makeup. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"As for how I FEEL, I'm amazing. I feel amazing most of the time. In the last six months I've slowly developed a routine where I rotate between running and yoga each morning, and this makes me feel even better. Yes, I can do everything I want. The eating though? I often eat too much. Even on this diet, I've been known to unbutton my pants at the end of dinner. Which is what I'm working the hardest at! Pregnancy makes it harder to master this. . . Every time I get the portions down, I get pregnant and it's harder to feel my stomach underneath the baby. Hunger is so demanding, and I'm really good at not eating the foods my body doesn't crave [I mean, crave nutritionally - I can tell what my body NEEDS and doesn't NEED when I'm pregnant], even if I'm hungry and nothing better is around, but the boundaries are different. It's hard to get good habits back in place after pregnancy, especially since newly-breastfeeding hunger is almost worse than pregnancy hunger. And I have a history of starvation-binge dieting from when I was a teenager. . . [All my past habits] work against my natural ability to stop eating when I'm full.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">"All I can say is, I'm working on it!"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So that's how I feel. I AM constantly hoping that I will lose another ten pounds, but I no longer count on that.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My husband DID say earlier this week that he thought I might be smaller in the back area [ahem], but I wasn't convinced that was true, and all my clothes fit the same (except a brand new pair of capris that I should have tried on before checking out at Walmart - I just ASSUMED that a size 8 would fit, because size 8 ALWAYS fits. Unfortunately they fit like a loose size 10, but it wasn't worth the effort of returning them, so I've been doing a lot of tugging up, and dug out a belt that I haven't worn in two years).</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">What was my brilliant response to my husband's comment? "Well, that's not where I need to lose it." I think all of us women have a fixation on having a flat tummy with no rolls, right? Good thing my husband doesn't care about either! He wasn't intending to give a compliment, it was more like he was commenting on the weather.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway, I'll plan on having another update next month. If at some point I run out of material to talk about, I'll mention that I'm going to cut back on posts. But we only have six more months! I'm pretty confident that I'm going to succeed.</span></span>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-28807515616643805252015-05-22T19:07:00.000-07:002015-05-22T19:07:35.039-07:00Forget the RestHere we are, at the deadline for my monthly update. How is it going not weighing myself? Like I said a few months ago, the habit is definitely broken. I don't even think about it anymore. It's just gone. And that's good.<br />
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But how is my body image? Some times are better than others. Like right now?<br />
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I am 10 months postpartum. I think most people don't realize how long it takes to "recover" from pregnancy. I mean, get back to normal. My recovery is always swift - I feel like a normal person again by the end of the week. However, hormone roller coasters are another thing, and I'm sure it has a huge amount to due with breastfeeding. When I was breastfeeding my first son, at 10 months I magically dropped the last 10 pounds of baby weight - but I went into an emotional roller coaster for a few months that involved a lot of negative thoughts.<br />
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I look at my first experience with this as a mixed blessing. I did research into the birth control I was taking, and determined to get off it to help with my sudden depression (that lifted a great weight off, by the way). This was also about the point that I found The China Study and began changing my diet for the better.<br />
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I'm going to stop here and remind all my readers that I'm not here to talk about diet. Some of you will know that I have strong ideas here, and I am trying to stay away from "preaching." I am here to deal with body issues, and to hopefully uplift a few people. However, some things are hard to detangle in regards to this, so there might be some references that you disagree with.<br />
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When I was 10 months postpartum with my first son, he stopped needing quite as many calories through breast milk (thus the change in hormones). Both then and now, it's confusing to change my perspective on how much I need to eat after that. First, without realizing what's happened, I find myself feeling overly full after each meal. So, I rein myself in. Then, I start thinking too much about how much I'm eating, some thoughts about calories creep in, and, before I know it, I'm wondering if I'm too fat.<br />
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There you go. The "F" word.<br />
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Previous to this, I had spent several years with my husband guiding me into healthier thoughts about food and my body. When I realized how my thoughts were becoming "dark" once again with ideas of weight loss and calories, I decided I needed to pray. I prayed for inspiration to know how to take care of myself for health, and I prayed that I could pursue that and forget my thoughts about weight and calories.<br />
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The answer came, etc, and I was put back on my path breaking down body image issues.<br />
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And here I am again, the same place (though definitely not as bad this time around - I personally thank my lack of prescriptions, and my diet change). My hormones are all over the place in reaction to changes in breastfeeding. I've had to look at how much food I'm eating and consider how not to eat too much.<br />
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And the thoughts have crept back in.<br />
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I started this blog on a very positive, upbeat note. I would like to continue that. But I also want to write the truth. Negative thoughts about your body can consume you if you let them.<br />
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Don't let them.<br />
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Focus on the good. Focus on health. Focus on vitality.<br />
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Numbers mean nothing. God did not give us calorie charts. God did not give us scales. God gave us good, wholesome food to partake of.<br />
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We need to take joy in this. And we need to forget the rest.Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-68622543852652978482015-04-23T12:35:00.002-07:002015-04-23T16:26:57.238-07:00Principles<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">This week we borrowed a Curious George (TV show) DVD from the library. The very first episode was about Ted's (the Man in the Yellow Hat) annual physical exam at the doctor's office. He steps on the scale. In a negative tone the doctor informs him that Ted's put on some weight. Ted is shocked, and reports that he only eats one donut a month. Ultimately it's revealed that George was standing on the scale with him, artificially boosting his weight.</span><br>
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Maybe this part of the episode wouldn't have stuck out to anyone else, but my mind has always zeroed in on this stuff - and especially in light of my resolution this year. I almost felt like shutting the TV off. Why were they unnecessarily exposing my child to weight-consciousness?</div>
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With further thought I realized it wasn't a big deal, and the episode moved on to more fun, educational stuff that did not (whew) revolve around weight.</div>
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I know some think that weight-consciousness might be healthy, but there's several things wrong with this line of thinking. And I'm sure everyone reading knows by now why we're here.</div>
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If I'm going to teach my children how to be healthy, I don't want it to revolve around man-made numbers. I want it to revolve around nature-based principles. I want them to know the general principles of how to treat your body for optimal results. I don't want them worrying about numbers. In fact, at this point, the only reason I think there is to keep weighing them is to make sure their car seats fit appropriately.</div>
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Oh, by the way, my resolution is going strong! I also believe this is the longest I've gone without weighing myself since I was a child. I'm going to be honest about something though: I have pulled out the measuring tape several times. The nice thing is, this hasn't been interesting in the least. What would I do? Obsess over which centimeter line I land on each day? There's nothing there for my mind to fixate on, which means I have very little reason to get it out regularly. And anyway, the way my pants fit don't lie. I haven't changed at all.</div>
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Let's get used to it! There's comfort in predictability.</div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-85752439029754817542015-03-27T21:53:00.000-07:002015-03-27T21:53:05.929-07:00Perspective <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">I'm obviously not thinking about my weight as often now, since I'm posting less often. The big reason I'm writing now is because I committed to posting at least once a month, and that deadline is getting closer. What with going out of town soon, it felt safer to get started now.</span><br />
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I feel great! No more obsession over numbers. I have to admit, about a week ago I had a few days where I was really down about how I looked. You know what had changed? The location of our full-length mirror. My husband had finally gotten around to hanging it up for me, and, for the first several days, I noticed it every single time I passed. And, whoa, are those my thighs? You get the picture.</div>
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Today, I took the boys swimming, and it was packed with kids. And their half-naked parents. Golly, does that help with perspective. Sure, I was wearing a normal suit that any self-respecting Mormon mom would wear, but there was still a bit more uncovered than usual. It didn't matter, because some women were wearing less, and the really self-conscious ones (or maybe they just have swimsuit issues) were wearing more - and yet most of us had some extra flab. Most of us had cellulite (even the "skinny" people have it). But we were still there trying to have fun.</div>
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Seeing everyone like that brings home the idea that it doesn't really matter what size you are. What matters is your health. I'm pretty sure that if I were a size smaller, I would still look similarly to how I do now. I'd just have to buy a new swimsuit (actually, I'd probably make do with some workout clothes - shopping is a pain).</div>
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The great thing about the water park was that people were so exposed for an extended period of time - they didn't have the energy to continually fret about it, so most of them stopped caring, if only for the time being. (Though yes, I know, lots of us still avoid this situation.)</div>
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I hope more of us can care less about how we look - more often. The body is a tool for use - like splashing and having fun with my giggly boys, running for the adrenaline high (did I mention I run now?), or moving around the kitchen like crazy trying to feed people. If you're not using your body, you're really missing out. Time to eat the food you need to feel good, get the exercise you need to feel good, and always THINK POSITIVELY and love yourself! Only then will you have an extended ability to do good and love others.</div>
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Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-66097625252943723612015-03-05T21:51:00.003-08:002015-03-05T21:51:59.610-08:00Background Pt. 3<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">
I'm into my third month of scale-free living and going strong! I feel that </div>
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I've truly broken the habit of thought now. I do wonder sometimes, but it's no longer at specific points of the day. I think if the scale were back in the bathroom again I'd remember not to step on it accidentally. I feel that this is a huge jump in progress!</div>
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Every night before bed I used to think about whether I wanted a snack during our show or not - how would this affect my morning weigh-in? Would the food in my gut make the weigh-in higher? If I skipped my snack, would that get me a new record low, just because I wouldn't have food digesting?</div>
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No more of that. Now, I just eat.</div>
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Let's get back to my fourteen-year-old self.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">With my starvation method - fasting off and on, skipping breakfast and lunch but eating dinner, etc - I got back down 13 pounds. I did have the occasional binge, my body's way of fighting against the starvation, but these were minor setbacks. I still had the goal of losing 10-12 MORE pounds. That is, until the binges got closer together. </span><br />
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Binge-eating: Letting go of the limits. No longer caring about calories or carbs or fat or sugar and eating. Whatever you want. Without stopping. Without listening to your body's cues. Without listening to your mind screaming at you to stop. Just doing it. Any food you thought of at all while being hungry. Until there's nothing left. You. Empty packages. Pain. And failure.</div>
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I managed to maintain my weight loss until summertime. Then I gained 6 pounds back. I spent all my time thinking about it. One day, it "clicked" that I needed to count calories. I went on a 900-calorie-per-day diet, with exercise. It seemed reasonable to me that, if 1800 calories were what I needed to maintain my weight, and if 3600 calories were in a pound, then I could lose 3/4 pound a day, or 3 lbs a week. Of course, that's not how it really happened, but the numbers were promising.</div>
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I lasted three weeks, and I got rid if those 6 pounds. Then my metabolism slowed down and my weight stalled at the same place as before. I was so tired. I broke, and the weight came piling on. </div>
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The beginning of sophomore year saw me at the same weight I had been at pre-pneumonia in 8th grade, and ready to try again. Up and down, up and down. I read somewhere that being a vegan helped with weight loss. I tried that. I read that avoiding carbs helped. Nope. The new year brought my first "resolution" diet. When that failed, I went on Weight Watchers. I felt like the slightest comment from my peers threw me off and ruined everything. Weight Watchers got me back down to a size 5, but it didn't last. Right when I thought I'd mastered portion control, I lost myself again.</div>
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The beginning of junior year I was 10 pounds heavier than ever. I followed the same usual pattern. I got my hands on several different diet pills, and tried my own combinations. The suicidal thoughts started. I thought it might have been a side effect of the pills, but I didn't want to stop taking them. That summer, I tried cleanses involving lemons and cayenne, etc. I was obsessed with a few European documentaries about getting down to a size 0. They were supposed to discourage against starving to be thin, but they fueled me on. Once, I ate a whole tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil because I'd read that it could suppress appetite. To this day I hate the taste of raw olive oil.</div>
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I tried to throw up my food after binges. Oh, did I try. Once, I almost succeeded. </div>
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I started my senior year of high school 7 pounds lighter than the year before. I felt like this was progress, even though I was 9 pounds heavier than I had been before ever going on a diet. I kept working at it. I started over repeatedly. I kept thinking THIS time I would stick to it. THIS time was different. THIS time I wouldn't be weak. My weight didn't go anywhere. Then, I got caught with an empty bottle of diet pills.</div>
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The woman I spoke to then is someone I'm still in contact with, but we rarely speak. She touched my life for a short time, but it made all the difference. She explained the havoc diet pills could cause for my body, that they didn't work, that they were a waste of money, and that I was worth too much to treat myself this way.</div>
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She didn't know about the 10+ different bottles in my drawer upstairs. But when I walked away from her that night, I got a trash bag. I threw away every single bottle. Even the vitamin C. And the caffeine pills that I took to ward off the exhaustion of hunger. I knew that if I was going to quit, I needed to quit it all.</div>
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I spent the next three days in a stupor of caffeine withdrawal. But I never went back.</div>
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The diets, however, weren't over.</div>
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As I end for the night, I want to make a disclaimer. Compared to others out there, my eating disorder was minor. My pain was only a sliver of what others go through. By talking about my background so frankly, I don't want to discredit those who are currently living through much worse.</div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-92187637038021759102015-02-22T21:45:00.001-08:002015-02-22T21:45:35.821-08:00Lies<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Are you joking? It was all a lie this entire time? I've been living 10 years with the impression that 125 was my "optimal" weight for health, and the optimal weight for happiness and fitness. According to BMI, it is. According to these trending articles?:</span><br />
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http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/03/opinion/our-imaginary-weight-problem.html?_r=1&</div>
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http://fozmeadows.tumblr.com/post/80930076791/female-bodies-a-weighty-issue</div>
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ravishly/being-thin-didnt-make-me-happy-being-fat-does_b_6661862.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592</div>
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Well, according to these articles, my gut feeling was right. My weight correlates with the optimal weight for longevity. No wonder my midwife and her assistant looked at me like I was crazy last year when I was filling out medical information and asked if I qualified as "overweight" since I was practically straddling the line between "healthy" and "unhealthy" BMI. Both of them definitively told me that I was NOT overweight. A few weeks later they looked at my food journal and couldn't find a single flaw in their perspective.</div>
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But I still questioned that accuracy. It wasn't until recently that I threw up my hands and admitted I couldn't do things more perfectly to lose weight, that it was this or hunger at this point. AND I'M NOT GOING HUNGRY. Not to mention that I'm kind of a monster when I'm on a diet.</div>
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Just some thoughts! It's really a big reminder that every body is different and that we can't let one ideal dictate how we feel about ourselves. I wasn't considering this an "update" sort of post, so I'll go back to talking about my background next time.</div>
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How has you perspective of self been altered over time?</div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-80003590618077024152015-02-15T17:04:00.001-08:002015-02-15T17:05:11.915-08:00Food History Pt. 2I have secreted myself away with the computer while the baby's sleeping SOMEWHERE ELSE and my husband, son, and brother-in-law play Legos. Wow, it feels good being at the computer. Typing. Writing definitely goes faster with a computer. It was when my first son was around the age the baby is now that I wrote the book I now have available on Amazon Kindle, so I think this might be a turning point for my writing abilities. I'd really like to be giving writing in general more time - I have a whole other novel waiting to be uploaded as soon as I get the cover art taken care of, and I have a sequel to re-draft, and I'm DYING to move along. Today is Sunday, and I've made it a rule not to work on writing I might potentially make money off of (though I AM allowed to write down ideas, because lost inspiration can be painful). So, instead of writing to my illustrator, I'm disciplining myself and spending my time here instead.<br />
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The phantom routine is still there. I feel good. I feel light and energetic and just plain GOOD. But sometimes, at night or first thing in the morning, I can still imagine jumping on that scale like a reflex. It would be so easy. It would definitely happen by accident if the scale was still sitting there. I would forget. I would seriously forget and just do it, and then realize my mistake AFTER the numbers popped up.<br />
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I FEEL light, and that should be enough. I don't need the scale to tell me I'm doing well. But it would still be very easy to step right back into the old routine. Which is why my resolution is so important - not weighing myself for the long term is the only way to truly break the habit.<br />
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I am SO glad I started this blog, because I would have already failed if it hadn't been for my peers, and a lot of people I don't even know, telling me how great it is that I'm doing this. I would lose some respect - if that isn't motivation, I don't know what else is.<br />
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My son doesn't see me step on that scale all the time anymore. Instead, I stick him on top of the counter and giggle with him about something silly like eye contact solution and q-tips.<br />
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But I was supposed to talk more about my history with food.<br />
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When I went on that first diet when I was eleven, I didn't really have a goal. I had the sense that I should lose weight, so I decided to try. I skipped breakfast. I skipped lunch. I came home from school and ate a can of chicken smothered in mustard - and felt like I'd failed. Diet over. I ate whatever I want later for dinner.<br />
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The next day I skipped breakfast. I skipped lunch. I was in 6th grade, and on Fridays for 7th hour we had our choice of activities like playing board games in different classrooms. The teachers had figured they could sell a variety of packaged snacks at this time to earn a little money for field trips. I couldn't wait to go home and eat, so I bought a package of oatmeal cookies. Diet REALLY over. I'd eaten COOKIES.<br />
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Diets didn't work. I couldn't do it. I moved on. You'd think I would have learned from that first experience.<br />
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That summer, I tried a couple times more - more like an experiment (I was bored) than anything else. I went from 10am to 10pm without eating, then would eat something and focus on not stuffing myself. This lasted about a week, and then I got interested in something else and forgot about it.<br />
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When I was thirteen I got sick with pneumonia. I was tired, I didn't think about food, and I coughed a lot. I think this lasted about three weeks. I lost about 14 pounds and went from a tight size 6 (which seemed really big at the time) to a loose size 4. I got new clothes and I felt awesome about myself (once I wasn't sick anymore). This was when my thoughts about my weight really solidified. Before that, I had been a little self-conscious. Post-pneumonia, I took pride in how I looked.<br />
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The next year, high school started. EVERYTHING was about how I looked - now, I wish I'd taken more time to work on my people skills. That's a place that could use some work even now. Instead, I was a mouse that thought about nothing but the next time I would ALLOW myself to eat. How that started was some sort of scheduled health check-up that took place for everyone in the library. They checked our eyes and a few other things, but the big thing was the scale they had set up at the end of everything. When I was done, I gathered together with some other girls at the doors to wait till everyone else was done. A few of them were buoyant with the excitement that the knowledge of their weight had brought. I was deflated. I had gained back 7 of my pre-pneumonia pounds. Very shortly after that I did another crash diet - I didn't take in anything but water for 48 hours. Technically, that's called a fast. To me, it was a diet. The first of MANY. They all ended the same. I would carefully break the fast, and a few hours later I'd be eating large portions of whatever I wanted.<br />
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I'll write more soon, I've got people needing my attention :)Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-33854507755339909762015-01-31T13:59:00.001-08:002015-01-31T13:59:51.507-08:00Food History Pt. 1<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It might be interesting for you readers to know that I type this whole blog with one finger on my iPad while I nurse. Sometimes, when I get really excited, I use two fingers! (no wonder I haven't finished the sequel to my book yet) Anyway, I committed to at least one post a month, so you're getting a lot of bonuses. </span><br />
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As I post this, it has officially been a month since I weighed myself! This is not a record yet - In 2011 I went about three months when my husband had an internship in Texas and we left most of our belongings in Utah, including my scale. It wouldn't fit in the car. <div>
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Here's where I tell you what I've been thinking in regards to weight: only 11 months left till my next weigh-in! I guess I need to focus on doing more forgetting and less fantasizing about how many pounds I might lose between now and then.</div>
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I know I said I would tell you about my history with food in this post, but I want to be in-depth, and I think the easiest way to do that is a bit at a time. I also don't want to incriminate anyone as I go - this blog is about cleansing, not about blame. This means the act of telling is going to take a lot of thought.</div>
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As a child, I knew what was health and what wasn't: wild rice = healthy, chocolate = not. Some little things might have been cultural, some particular to our family, but I think I had a pretty good idea. To be skinny, you eat salad and don't add chocolate syrup to your milk. That was around age five.</div>
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At age six, I told a friend that I didn't eat white bread ( interestingly, I remember eating a rice crispy treat with no guilt that same week). She applied peer pressure - she wanted me to take just one bite. I refused, proud of myself and comparing it to a situation where I might be offered a cigarette in the future (I never have been offered a cigarette, thank goodness).</div>
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Around age eight I started recognizing who was thinner than me.</div>
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By age ten, I understood food consumption could be connected to emotions. I knew it was a bad idea to add too much brown sugar to my cream of wheat. I knew the blue ice cream at Maggie Moo's was the worst choice of ice cream you could make, made only worse if you topped it with crumbled Oreos.</div>
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I should point out that these are mostly black and white thoughts. Children are black and white thinkers, so it was obvious to me that there were "good" foods and "bad" foods. Emotional eating was a new idea, but it was hard for me to think about it too deeply because it was so complex.</div>
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At age eleven, I went on my first "diet."</div>
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Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-79972575637395661932015-01-18T15:39:00.003-08:002015-01-18T15:49:39.603-08:00Thinness vs. Healthfulness<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">This week I've felt mostly hungry - translate, thin. It's been hard to not think about what I might weigh right now for that reason. When you spend more time being hungry, is there anywhere for your weight to go but down? </span><br>
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One day the temptation was so bad that I took the scale from its hiding place on the top shelf of my closet and moved it to the garage. That definitely worked, temptation-wise. While I haven't thrown it away yet, part of me is still planning to. Pros to getting rid of it: I don't easily fall back into my old ways once 2016 comes, and any and all temptation is permanently thwarted. Cons: the rest of the family won't be able to access it. While my husband only weighs himself bi-annually, we like monitoring the kids' weight as they grow.</div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHxE-5-T8CS0e5tNe9LndklcFNQTDuxSGo1RmTAiVSIYP8i_b2ijzkoKRR17l5F4uUTo0CinGt_XpFfc6-uhrOVuNjXHzkSdFqTQR6iQtvEci7bKZJDw3AjOuHzXQlmcXfDCnjBjkpkqq/s640/blogger-image-409040385.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHxE-5-T8CS0e5tNe9LndklcFNQTDuxSGo1RmTAiVSIYP8i_b2ijzkoKRR17l5F4uUTo0CinGt_XpFfc6-uhrOVuNjXHzkSdFqTQR6iQtvEci7bKZJDw3AjOuHzXQlmcXfDCnjBjkpkqq/s640/blogger-image-409040385.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div>
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I want to clarify - I haven't been going hungry on purpose. I've just been short on time. What I really want to talk about: why does hungry equal thin? And why is thin such a good thing? I look at some people and think, "They could use an extra ten pounds," specifically when I can tell they work to stay where they are. I don't want to look like I've worked to look the weight I do. I hate it when people compliment how thin I look, or say stuff about how I look like I've never been pregnant. I don't want my body commented on unless someone says, "Wow, you're glowing," or "You look healthy." I don't want to talk about my weight. I want to move past weight as a defining characteristic and focus on who I am, and the work I've put into my HEALTH, not the work I've put into LOOKING a certain way.</div>
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Because I want you to think I'm healthy. THIN is not always the same as healthy. </div>
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But maybe being thin IS being hungry. For many, it is. I don't like being hungry. And, really, hungry is not healthy. Feeling hungry is not necessarily a bad thing if it, say, means you're going through withdrawal from something addictive and you're actually craving the addictive item. But, outside of addictions, hunger is the body's natural signal that you're in need of either calories, fiber, or nutrients. So if I'm hungry, and that means my stomach's flatter than usual, that shouldn't mean I hold my shoulders back and my head a little higher because I feel particularly attractive that day. Having an empty stomach shouldn't be attractive (I'm not talking about spiritual fasting in these statements - that's an entirely different topic). What's attractive is when you're evidently giving your body what it needs, when you're taking care of yourself. I'm not THIN, and I know it. My body wasn't designed to be thin right now. It was designed to make, feed, and cuddle babies. I'm full of energy and thriving. The number on the scale, or even the number on my pants, is not what counts. What counts is vitality. Ability. Health - in both body and mind.</div>
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Lastly, I wanted to clear up something I didn't explain well in my last post: I didn't feel guilty about those homemade cookies. I'm just naturally weary of any food I feel as if I'm "losing control" over. Food and me? We have a history, and I'm careful where I tread when it comes to my attitude in everything I consume. Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Before I could accomplish the spot I'm at now, physically, I went through a lot of mending when it came to how I thought about food. I know the warning signs, the signs that say I'm not thinking rationally about what I'm consuming. When that happens, I take measures to ensure I continue consuming food mindfully. I'm thinking I might need to explain my history with food thoroughly in my next post.</div>
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Thank you for reading! If there's anything you'd like to see me talk more about in regards to body image, or mental health in regards to food (eating disorders, etc.) please let me know. This blog is a cleansing tool for me, but I want to help others too, if I can.</div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><br></div><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 1.8rem; line-height: 1.8rem; display: inline-block; margin: 0px 0.2rem 6px 0px; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">thin</h2><span style="color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> </span><span class="snd" data-snd="T0166000" style="box-sizing: inherit; vertical-align: text-bottom; margin: 0px 3px 2px; display: inline-block; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span title="" class="i snd-icon-plain" style="box-sizing: inherit; background-image: url(http://img.tfd.com/sprite.png?c); display: inline-block; margin: 0px; vertical-align: text-bottom; font-size: 0px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-indent: -9999px; overflow: hidden; color: white; cursor: pointer; width: 12px; height: 18px; background-position: -314px -319px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat;"></span></span><span style="color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> </span><span class="pron" style="box-sizing: inherit; cursor: pointer; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">(thĭn)</span><div class="pseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><i style="box-sizing: inherit;">adj.</i> <b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin·ner</b>, <b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin·nest</b><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">1.</b><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">a. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Relatively</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">small</span> in <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">extent</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">from</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">one</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">surface</span> to <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">opposite,</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">usually</span> in <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">smallest</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">solid</span><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">dimension:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;">a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">book.</span></span></div><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">b. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Not</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">great</span> in <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">diameter</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">cross</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">section;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">fine:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">wire.</span></span></div></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">2. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Having</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">little</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">bodily</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">flesh</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">fat;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">lean</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">slender.</span></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">3.</b><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">a. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Not</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">dense</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">concentrated;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">sparse:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">vegetation</span> of <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">plateau.</span></span></div><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">b. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">More</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">rarefied</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">than</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">normal:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">air.</span></span></div></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">4.</b><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">a. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Flowing</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">with</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">relative</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">ease;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">not</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">viscous:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;">a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">oil.</span></span></div><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">b. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Watery:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">soup.</span></span></div></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">5.</b><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">a. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Sparsely</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">supplied</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">provided;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">scanty:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;">a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">menu.</span></span></div><div class="sds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">b. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Having</span> a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">low</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">number</span> of <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">transactions:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">trading</span> in <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">stock</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">market.</span></span></div></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">6. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Lacking</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">force</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">substance;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">flimsy:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;">a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">attempt.</span></span></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">7. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Lacking</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">resonance</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">fullness;</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">tinny:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">The</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">piano</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">had</span> a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">sound.</span></span></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">8. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Lacking</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">radiance</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">intensity:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">light.</span></span></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">9. </b><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Not</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">having</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">enough</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">photographic</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">density</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">contrast</span> to <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">make</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">satisfactory</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">prints.</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Used</span> of a<span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">negative.</span></div></div><div class="pseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><i style="box-sizing: inherit;">adv.</i><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">1. </b>In a <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">manner:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Spread</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">varnish</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> if <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">you</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">don't</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">want</span> it to <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">wrinkle.</span></span></div><div class="ds-list" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">2. </b>So as to be <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin:</span> <span class="illustration" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(150, 106, 0); font-style: italic;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Cut</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">the</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">cheese</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin.</span></span></div></div><div class="pseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><i style="box-sizing: inherit;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">tr.</span> & <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">intr.v.</span></i> <b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thinned</b>, <b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin·ning</b>, <b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thins</b><div class="ds-single" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 1cm; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden;">To <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">make</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">become</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin</span> or <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">thinner.</span></div></div><hr align="left" class="hmshort" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(151, 152, 152); background-color: rgb(151, 152, 152); border: none; height: 1px; width: 148.5px; margin: 6pt auto 4pt 0px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><div class="etyseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-top: 6pt; margin-bottom: 6pt; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">[Middle</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">English,</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">from</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Old</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">English</span> <tt style="box-sizing: inherit;">thynne</tt>; <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">see</span> <tt style="box-sizing: inherit;">ten-</tt> in <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Indo-European</span> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">roots.]</span></div><hr align="left" class="hmshort" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: rgb(151, 152, 152); background-color: rgb(151, 152, 152); border: none; height: 1px; width: 148.5px; margin: 6pt auto 4pt 0px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><div class="runseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 0.5cm; margin-top: 3pt; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin′ly</b><i style="box-sizing: inherit;"> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">adv.</span></i></div><div class="runseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 0.5cm; margin-top: 3pt; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin′ness</b><i style="box-sizing: inherit;"> n.</i></div><div class="runseg" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: 0.5cm; margin-top: 3pt; overflow-x: auto; overflow-y: hidden; color: rgb(64, 64, 64); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><b style="box-sizing: inherit;">thin′nish</b><i style="box-sizing: inherit;"> <span class="hvr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">adj.</span></i></div></div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-1652969228868621662015-01-08T23:13:00.000-08:002015-01-08T23:13:16.010-08:00Focus<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Tonight I found myself making a list labelled "The Perfect Diet." This was following a day in which I was tired all day and couldn't stay away from a certain bag of cookies - cookies I myself had deemed 100% healthy, and therefore something I could eat as much of as I want. I'm all about these types of food, and my of doing things generally works for me. However, with these particular cookies I was in error. Why else would I think about them all day, sneaking bites between diaper changes and role playing with pigs and putting on my own Signing Time play? By 4 P.M. I had vowed to never make them again. By 6:15 they were gone. By 10:30 I was literally crying because I wanted them so badly.</span><br />
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Hormones were involved, of course. But just yesterday I told someone that not weighing myself kept motivating me to take a few bites less at each meal, worried I'd gain weight while I wasn't watching. She kind of gave me a look, which made me realize the flaw in what I was saying: wasn't the point of all this to gain a healthier mentality? I can't do that if I'm thinking about cookies or worried what it's going to do to me if I eat one more ladel of lentils.</div>
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I went back to the drawing board so I could bring back my focus. I don't have to do things 100% correct all at once. There's a lot of learning that comes with. You must retrain your body's expectations, as well as your mind's. The whole point of eating a "perfect" diet, to me, is specifically so I don't have to worry. I eat as much as I want, and feel great doing it. I guess grain-sweetened chocolate chips are a failed experiment.</div>
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Well, hey. At least I don't see any evidence of weight-gain. And I haven't even weighed myself! The numbers are feeling more distant, even though I spend a good chunk of time wondering - and still have that phantom impulse to step on the scale every morning and evening. This has replaced the time I used to spend calculating all manner of possibilities for my future weight - useless numbers that all relied on chance.</div>
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I think it's working. I'm not seeing the number anymore when I look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I've been admiring my hips a little more acceptingly. They actually look pretty good after all.</div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-43988427847175439812015-01-01T11:14:00.001-08:002015-01-04T14:44:01.241-08:00Day One<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">
I weighed myself last night at 11:52 P.M. I forgot to check the time, so I'm glad I didn't accidentally break my resolution so soon. My weigh-in was low enough that I knew, if I weighed myself this morning, it would be a new low weight (still having a bit of post-partum weight loss even though, for all intents and purposes, I'm already in goal range). This morning, it was PAINFUL not to step on the scale. But I didn't do it. Even though I knew the number would make me feel skinny all day.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I am posting this the day after my final weigh-in. Nope, not telling you what it was - that would defeat the purpose of this blog. I know, I love seeing the numbers too. In fact, that's why we're here. I am breaking the cycle. I have promised the public (via this blog) that I will not weigh myself for the entire 2015 calender year. Gulp.</span><br />
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I regretted this whole thing the very next day after starting this blog. Sure, it's a nice idea. But WHAT ABOUT MY NUMBERS?? Okay, I'm really not worried that I'll gain weight. From a medical perspective, I'm healthy. From a holistic perspective, I should have sprouted wings and flown off into the perfection sunset by now.</div>
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There's still those pesky body image issues though. I've been working on them long and hard the past 5 years, and I think I'm almost there. I think I'm close to perfecting my self image (haha, wouldn't that be nice?) Getting away from the scale is what I perceive as the last step.</div>
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When I walk around, sometimes I feel like I have a big number pasted to my chest: 000.0. It's the number I saw that very morning, and it affects how I envision myself for the entire day.</div>
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We're getting rid of that.</div>
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Since the last time I posted, I've thought about the upcoming New Year's resolution with dread. Anxiety. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. But I will because I'm not a number. No one is a number. I'm just me, eating the way I know to eat to feel and perform my best.</div>
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And I'm not just doing this for myself. I'm doing this for my family. I'm doing this for everyone out there who can't look in the mirror without their most recent weigh-in coming to mind.</div>
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While everyone's out there deciding how much weight they're going to lose this year, I'm setting a different sort of resolution. I'm resolving NOT TO KNOW. It's scary. But my body knows what it's doing. My body will tell me if something's wrong. It's time to trust my body, not a piece of technology.</div>
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I will report in on how things are going at least once a month.</div>
Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4086310433634957476.post-82889054251583199332014-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:002014-12-16T22:04:59.399-08:00PreliminariesI weigh myself a lot. Like every day. I say "like" because what I really mean is 2-3x per day. It's not always like that, but it is right now. I talk about it with my husband like the weather - weather he has no interest in hearing about.<br>
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I'm 23. I got married at 19. My oldest son will be 3 in March. My second son is 5 months old and exclusively breastfed. I don't have any daughters for the present, but it's never too early to fix my body issues before I do. And boys pick up on things too.<br>
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I'm one of the healthiest people I know. Not because I'm chiseled out of muscle or am a marathoner. I just eat right. My most recent post-partum recovery was super speedy. I still have 6.5 lbs to lose, but that will be gone over time. I weigh 18 lbs less than when I got married, and 3.5 lbs less than when I got pregnant for the first time.<br>
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But those are just numbers, and I treat them like they own me. Not anymore. I'm breaking the habit.<br>
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What am I afraid of?<br>
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I'm afraid that, if I don't watch those numbers as frequently as possible, they will skyrocket. That I will lose control.<br>
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Mostly it's habitual. Sometimes it's an impulse.<br>
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That's why, starting on January 1, 2015, I am throwing away the scale and commiting to not weighing myself for an entire calendar year.<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUp973CjV5KB8uFLyVl8QVi2QHHZytgikip0J1-I0HfxjC4qf8DQVmD7vsnJVM7FlixN_quWZOZBCu6S218VLUpAj5nka2OVOMiUICy1cGgssFWERDkvB_50iRIEx2uyVA9HByNcNk0K3G/s640/blogger-image--388564350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUp973CjV5KB8uFLyVl8QVi2QHHZytgikip0J1-I0HfxjC4qf8DQVmD7vsnJVM7FlixN_quWZOZBCu6S218VLUpAj5nka2OVOMiUICy1cGgssFWERDkvB_50iRIEx2uyVA9HByNcNk0K3G/s640/blogger-image--388564350.jpg"></a></div>This is an example of what my calendar looks like right now, coming from the month my youngest was born. Let's say goodbye to those numbers :)</div>Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02239625775593518513noreply@blogger.com0