Thursday, January 8, 2015


Tonight I found myself making a list labelled "The Perfect Diet." This was following a day in which I was tired all day and couldn't stay away from a certain bag of cookies - cookies I myself had deemed 100% healthy, and therefore something I could eat as much of as I want. I'm all about these types of food, and my of doing things generally works for me. However, with these particular cookies I was in error. Why else would I think about them all day, sneaking bites between diaper changes and role playing with pigs and putting on my own Signing Time play? By 4 P.M. I had vowed to never make them again. By 6:15 they were gone. By 10:30 I was literally crying because I wanted them so badly.

Hormones were involved, of course. But just yesterday I told someone that not weighing myself kept motivating me to take a few bites less at each meal, worried I'd gain weight while I wasn't watching. She kind of gave me a look, which made me realize the flaw in what I was saying: wasn't the point of all this to gain a healthier mentality? I can't do that if I'm thinking about cookies or worried what it's going to do to me if I eat one more ladel of lentils.

I went back to the drawing board so I could bring back my focus. I don't have to do things 100% correct all at once. There's a lot of learning that comes with. You must retrain your body's expectations, as well as your mind's. The whole point of eating a "perfect" diet, to me, is specifically so I don't have to worry. I eat as much as I want, and feel great doing it. I guess grain-sweetened chocolate chips are a failed experiment.

Well, hey. At least I don't see any evidence of weight-gain. And I haven't even weighed myself! The numbers are feeling more distant, even though I spend a good chunk of time wondering - and still have that phantom impulse to step on the scale every morning and evening. This has replaced the time I used to spend calculating all manner of possibilities for my future weight - useless numbers that all relied on chance.

I think it's working. I'm not seeing the number anymore when I look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I've been admiring my hips a little more acceptingly. They actually look pretty good after all.


  1. Glad you're not seeing the number anymore. You're progressing already!!!

    I would go far as to say you will probably never eat perfect 100% of the time. That seems unrealistic. It's okay to have treats from time to time. And you may find that your idea of perfection changes as you continue to learn and grow through your entire life. One thing remains constant through it all though: the truth and wisdom in the Word of Wisdom. I've done a bit of reading on healthful eating and foods and I find myself getting caught up in one opinion/finding or another, and I have to remind myself of the basics found in the Word of Wisdom: fruits and veggies in their seasons (or preserved wisely, hopefully by myself), whole grains, and nuts and seeds. Meat sparingly is okay. Not much to it, really.

    1. Shauna, I actually contributed to a book called "Discovering The Word of Wisdom." I love the Word of Wisdom as a base for my health decisions. I do let myself have treats, but these usually amount to something with oil in it (I eat an oil-free diet) or a piece of super dark chocolate. The things most people think of as "treats" would make me immediately sick because I've gone so long without them. I had a bite of tapioca pudding last week that gave me a headache for hours. I didn't feel guilty about these cookies - I used wholesome ingredients, and they were actually packed with nutrients - but anything can be bad in excess. It's more about my emotional reaction to the cookies that I didn't like. I have a history of disordered eating, so I avoid any foods that cause a recurrence of that behavior. You're right though - I look forward to seeing how my perspective changes. Thank you for the support :)