Sunday, January 18, 2015
Thinness vs. Healthfulness
This week I've felt mostly hungry - translate, thin. It's been hard to not think about what I might weigh right now for that reason. When you spend more time being hungry, is there anywhere for your weight to go but down?
One day the temptation was so bad that I took the scale from its hiding place on the top shelf of my closet and moved it to the garage. That definitely worked, temptation-wise. While I haven't thrown it away yet, part of me is still planning to. Pros to getting rid of it: I don't easily fall back into my old ways once 2016 comes, and any and all temptation is permanently thwarted. Cons: the rest of the family won't be able to access it. While my husband only weighs himself bi-annually, we like monitoring the kids' weight as they grow.
I want to clarify - I haven't been going hungry on purpose. I've just been short on time. What I really want to talk about: why does hungry equal thin? And why is thin such a good thing? I look at some people and think, "They could use an extra ten pounds," specifically when I can tell they work to stay where they are. I don't want to look like I've worked to look the weight I do. I hate it when people compliment how thin I look, or say stuff about how I look like I've never been pregnant. I don't want my body commented on unless someone says, "Wow, you're glowing," or "You look healthy." I don't want to talk about my weight. I want to move past weight as a defining characteristic and focus on who I am, and the work I've put into my HEALTH, not the work I've put into LOOKING a certain way.
Because I want you to think I'm healthy. THIN is not always the same as healthy.
But maybe being thin IS being hungry. For many, it is. I don't like being hungry. And, really, hungry is not healthy. Feeling hungry is not necessarily a bad thing if it, say, means you're going through withdrawal from something addictive and you're actually craving the addictive item. But, outside of addictions, hunger is the body's natural signal that you're in need of either calories, fiber, or nutrients. So if I'm hungry, and that means my stomach's flatter than usual, that shouldn't mean I hold my shoulders back and my head a little higher because I feel particularly attractive that day. Having an empty stomach shouldn't be attractive (I'm not talking about spiritual fasting in these statements - that's an entirely different topic). What's attractive is when you're evidently giving your body what it needs, when you're taking care of yourself. I'm not THIN, and I know it. My body wasn't designed to be thin right now. It was designed to make, feed, and cuddle babies. I'm full of energy and thriving. The number on the scale, or even the number on my pants, is not what counts. What counts is vitality. Ability. Health - in both body and mind.
Lastly, I wanted to clear up something I didn't explain well in my last post: I didn't feel guilty about those homemade cookies. I'm just naturally weary of any food I feel as if I'm "losing control" over. Food and me? We have a history, and I'm careful where I tread when it comes to my attitude in everything I consume. Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Before I could accomplish the spot I'm at now, physically, I went through a lot of mending when it came to how I thought about food. I know the warning signs, the signs that say I'm not thinking rationally about what I'm consuming. When that happens, I take measures to ensure I continue consuming food mindfully. I'm thinking I might need to explain my history with food thoroughly in my next post.
Thank you for reading! If there's anything you'd like to see me talk more about in regards to body image, or mental health in regards to food (eating disorders, etc.) please let me know. This blog is a cleansing tool for me, but I want to help others too, if I can.